The Siamerican

Wednesday, the 12th of January, departure day has arrived. It is my 18th and final day in Phuket this go-round. I’m scheduled to board my Bangkok bound bus at 5.00 p.m. This trip has been the longest I’ve stayed on Thailand’s largest island since my brief few months living here back in 2007. Without University or Work obligations requiring my immediate attendance in the capital, I’ve enjoyed the cherished time down here with my friends, family and particularly my son.

Exploiting his basic orthographic knowledge and phonological awareness, I’ve begun teaching him how to read words and sentences from his first ladybird book (Come play with Peter and Jane) which has turned out to be a perfectly timed decision as he has learned to sight read such words as ‘the,’ ‘a,’ ‘dog,’ ‘tree,’ ‘ball,’ ‘here,’ ‘shop,’ ‘toy,’ and ‘like’ in complete sentences, which I’ve verified his comprehension with questioning and summarizing what he reads. I’m amazed how quick he has caught on and only wish I were able to stay with him continuously to guide him in these early stages of a life long journey of reading and self-inquiry. Though in his best interests, I must move on back to Bangkok to prepare for exodus phase; US return is soon in the horizons and there is little room for mistake or delay from this point on as I’ve got quite the list of tasks to complete back in the capital to ensure a smooth transition.

Time will tell and I prefer not to speak too much until I have successfully executed each task/milestone as it passes, so for now lets get back to reflections regarding family and parenting growth. Aside from teaching my son about his second language, English, life in general must not be neglected. Last week, I came across a particular unavoidable conflict which was bound to erupt into a crisis had the proper action and negotiations not been pursued.

Regarding the safety issue about my son under the care of his grandparents and relatives which has lingered over the years he has been under their immediate care. In Thailand, it is common for kids, adults and entire families to get around via motorbike without any thought of wearing a safety helmet unless there is the threat of police collection rounds on the road any particular day; in such cases, the boys in brown as they are known target only un-helmeted motorists to meet some ‘fine quota’ and supplement their meager incomes, and even then a plastic 100 baht or three dollar helmet might appease the cops from pulling you over, though won’t do anything for one’s skull if/when an accident occurs.

Anyhow, when I noticed my boy being put on his grandfather in laws motorbike a few years back, I made the order to forbid this. After some conflict and negotiation ending in a supposed agreement to my terms, even then, I knew the order wouldn’t be respected as soon as I was gone, so purchased at least two helmets for my son telling them that he must wear it if they absolutely had to bring him on a bike—my compromise at the time. It seemed my only option if I were to continue and finish Uni in Bangkok and rest assured at least some safety precautions were being respected. Though in the back of my mind, I was unsettled over the years knowing how wild Phuket and Thai driving is in general, and how that because they didn’t take the road threat serious like me being as it was their lifestyle taken for granted, and I was likely just some outsider barking orders at them; I sensed while I wasn’t there, my kid was likely on a motorbike without a helmet occasionally. A problem pushed under the cover for the time but certainly not solved.

Then last week, two years after supposedly solving the issue, it resurfaced. He was late for school, his mom having rushed off to work already. I heard his grandfather in laws motorbike start and ran out to see my son in the front of the bike helmetless; his grandmother continuing her tasks as usual. Despite my objections telling him I’ll get him to school on my own without a bike (walking the 10 km if I had to), the bike raced off. Furious, I packed my belongings and left the house without a word going to a friend’s house. That day, I picked up my son from school, telling his mom her family’s role and time was up and I wasn’t willing to gamble his life another day. No surprise did I learn from his teacher that the relative who was supposedly picking him up in a truck was actually picking him up on a motorbike—the same relative I’ve seen a number of times driving after several glasses of whiskey.

So close was I to bringing my son to Bangkok away from Phuket that moment. As his mom wasn’t keen on letting him go so easily, and he certainly being soft for his mom, it was a feud waiting to erupt. Though, luckily there’s this thing called communications and I think I’ve studied it enough to just let an all out crisis explode. If anything, the ideal is to solve such issues collaboratevly i.e. win/win as opposed to distributively or win/lose, lose/lose.

I stated my position with her that initial night and in the talks over the next several days, picking my son up each day after school as she assured me she was driving him to school in her car in the morning. At first, she gave me the same terms as years ago: shallow assurances he wouldn’t be on a bike and her relatives would obey such order. Wasn’t enough this time. I convinced her that she knew I knew she knew that the Thai hierarchy and face saving cultural entity doesn’t allow for younger people to order their senior family members around and that only direct action on our part would be effective—in other words, #$#?!% the empty assurances and promises, while we as parents turn a blind eye.

Finally we reached an acceptable compromise which would allow me to leave Phuket to continue executing my future plans which shall ultimately benefit my family without worrying that my son’s life was in immediate danger every day in the care of ignorant others who can be bothered stretching their comfort zones. We found a school van driver—a parent of his class mate who we hire on a monthly basis to escort him home from school every day. At 1500 baht (about 50 USD) per month, I can be assured my son isn’t as vulnerable to be the next victim statistic of Thailand’s deadly roads.

In conclusion, while I’ve come to accept that everything in life can not be controlled and shaped in the way one wishes always, I also continue to internalize the value and necessity of maintaining one’s principals and morals based on foundations formed from the rational of life observations, experiences and reflections. Integrity, thus, is the ultimate measurement of a sound individual.
Stay tuned…

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Filed under: Education, ethics & moral, Family Matters, Health & Body, life & death, motorbike, Parenting, Primary by Jao Moragoat
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