A Sucky Deal : After Hour Ventures in Hua Hin

After a filling meal at a seaside restaurant in Hua Hin, it was time for a drink and game of pool somewhere in the pink light district, downtown. Ignoring all the invitations to blow a wad of cash on a few insincere conversations with Isarn (Northeastern Thai-Southwestern Lao) girls at one of a hundred typical beer bars, only discernible by name, the weary and exhausted duo was indecisive.

Finally, they came upon a neon lit joint with a few reasonable looking hostesses in plad skirt-white dress shirt school style uniforms patiently posted at the entrance’s open air bar stool. Perhaps it was the lack of a desperate invitation in contrast to elsewhere, in addition to the mystery of not being able to see inside beyond the tinted glass doors that sparked an inquiry.

‘Have you any Pepsi max?’ Kent inquired

‘Yes’ the 20something hostess replied.

‘Have you a pool table?’ the Siamerican inquired

‘Yes, you can play.’

‘Do you have a televis…’

The hostess abruptly cut in, ‘This blowjob bar!’

Even though no such featured services were transacted that evening, let alone any other kind of interaction with the bored hostesses (other than receiving and paying for the drinks), after several games of pool, the duo had their filling and decided to pay the tab and split.

As he does best, Klaus pounced with spontaneity to engage a Caucasian man nursing a cocktail at the entrance’s bar stool. It was soon revealed that not only was the lone fellow not a tourist, but the magic behind the curtain, the proclaimed owner of this interesting little joint.

‘For only 200,000, this could all be yours!’

Taking a look at the now idle and disinterested hostesses and overall lack of service end-users coming or going, an inquiry had to be cleared ‘Is that 200,000 baht or…?’ The Siamerican couldn’t believe his ears.

‘Dollars,’ The owner made his proposal clear this time, ‘I can even get you a nine year lease for that.’ he added.

What a deal! With such an establishment’s primary service pulling 700 baht (21 USD) a pop, some 9524 jobs would have to be conducted just to break even! Oh wait, you got to figure that for each transaction, the service giver most likely pockets 500 baht (15 bucks) for each deed, leaving the manager a 200 baht (6 bucks) margin, thus requiring 33,333 blow jobs to get square.

That means, you’d need at least ten jobs every single day for the entire nine years, and you would have achieved your investment. Overhead costs aside, that’s a lot of sucking!

Had the current owner done the calculations and been within reason, the bar’s leasing and management rights might have been marketable for a measly 6000 USD dollars (200,000 baht)–where only 1000 BJs would get your investment back, however, considering the additional headaches and risks of overhead costs, employer recruitment and loyalty, and even more crucial, the shady politics that such an establishment would come with being located right in the heart of his Majesty’s summer palace city, any potential entrepreneurs considering to suck up such a sucky deal, advise sense–or be prepared to suck.